Not Just Another Outfit Review Post

 

 Sky Blue Ruffle Shirt Dress Love Moschino Frames Tan Stachel Tan Flat Sandals Plus Size Summer Outfit

 

CN: Mental health chat

 

A few weeks ago I got some quick photos of this outfit, which I felt quite nice wearing, and wrote a straight forward little review post about it not long after. It wasn’t one of my best and the photos weren’t wonderful – I don’t have a camera any more (my old one broke at the beginning of the year) and I can’t afford either a replacement or any professional photography – so my partner takes my photos with my iPhone.

 

Anyway, I scheduled the review post for while I was away on holiday and didn’t give it a second thought… until I came back to give it a final proof read the day before my flight. I read through what I’d written and felt kinda deflated. That review said ABSOLUTELY NOTHING of value. And ever since I’ve been left wondering exactly when my blog lost it’s teeth.

 

Ruffle Shirt Dress Tan Satchel Tan Sandals

 

There is great value in a good outfit review but mine was so boring, so I deleted it and instead today I’m owning up to feeling like I’ve lost my voice a little. I have had a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I’ve had nothing interesting to contribute, for a long-ass time. I’ve been so preoccupied with my declining health and with my feelings of isolation up here in Dundee that I’ve lost sight of who I am, what I want and what this blog was meant to be.

 

So, let’s go there: at a very basic level, what do I want?

 

Money. Happiness. Friendships. But not necessarily in that order. Nothing earth shattering, it’s what most people might say really. I periodically have one or two of them, but I’ve never had all three at the same time. I’m not embarrassed to admit that money is important to me, it’s been urgently and sickeningly important in the way not having enough of it always is. Ever since I fell between the cracks of ‘too ill to work’ but ‘not ill enough’ for help, money is never not on my mind. I even tried to monetise this blog for a while, which I believe is exactly when the blog lost it’s teeth, and it went terribly: pitching makes me anxious, I suck as a salesperson and I have ALWAYS undervalued my worth.

 

Plus Size Ruffle Shirt Dress

 

As for friendships? I didn’t realise the true value of wonderful female friendship until well into my 20’s, by which point I had relocated so much that all my relationships – platonic or otherwise – had been long distance or half hearted (or both) for enough time that they began to fall away one by one. I now live 500 miles away from the friends I still have and I don’t know how to make new ones any more. I have absolutely no faith in myself when in conversation with people I don’t know. How crap is that? Then when you sprinkle some of my least fave symptoms – vagueness and brain fog – into that hot mess… well, I’m not the world’s most appealing candidate for new bestie.

 

So, WHERE AM I GOING WITH ALL THIS? Well, I’m saying in the most roundabout way that it’s time to get my shit together once and for all, it’s time to get my voice back. I know it’s been a while, and it might never be the same as it was before I became disabled, but I’m focusing in on two main things: I want to believe that I am someone people want to know. I want to believe that I have something to say. Somewhere in the big push to accept my body for what it is twice over – once for being fat and then again for being disabled and fat – I’ve almost neglected everything else that makes me who I am. My personality, my mental health, my self confidence all need some attention, and that’s what I intend to do.

 

I absolutely want this blog to be what it used to be, a creative outlet. A place where I mess about, try stuff out, crack bad jokes and talk about things more freely with people who get it. I’ve been through the wringer a bit of late, and I got lost, but I want to return to what it is about blogging that brought me joy in the first place. And therein possibly achieving the most abstract of my three big goals: happiness.

 

Sky Blue Ruffle shirt Dress Love Moscino Glasses

 

For my own peace of mind I’m drawing a line here and retiring the uneasy diplomat that I feel like I was becoming. Yeah, I’ll 100% continue to champion and work with plus size fashion brands if they are good eggs but I will be focusing less on brand new clothes and more on reinventing old things, finding bargains, highlighting awesome indie brands, easy DIY’s and vintage finds. That’s who I am. That’s what I’ve lost sight of. I’ll still use things like affiliate links on outfit posts because a) I like the little carousel ‘shop the look’ widget and b) who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually reach the threshold to cash out 😂

 

With all of the above in mind, here’s what my review should have said from the start: I do like this dress, but not enough to recommend it to you. It’s fine, but not great. It creases easily and gapes at the bust. Added to that, it’s from Simply Be, who suck at the moment in terms of representation. Since they have expanded their size range downwards, things have taken a murky turn. Their current advertising campaign is a mess. A quick scan of their website (accessed 16/05/17) shows that they now offer more items in a size 12 (2417) than a size 26 (2126), size 28 (1851), size 30 (1710) or size 32 (1478).

 

Sky Blue Ruffle Shirt Dress Plus Size

 

For ME and MY BRAIN and MY LIFE, I’ve decided to refocus and run this blog for (and at) my leisure again – as a place to get creative, for the love of great outfits, to meet people and make friends, for a reason to write for pleasure. I’m excited folks, and if you’ve read this ramble all the way to the end then I want to thank you for being there, for listening and for sticking with me; I’m not going to lose sight of what I’m doing here again.

 

Shop the Look

 


 

*This post contains affiliate links, for more information about affiliate links please check out my policy.

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  • Thank you so much for opening up about all this, Zoë. I really felt like I got to know you in this post, and I can’t wait to see what direction your blog posts will take next! <3

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read through all that ramble, I really appreciate it. I’m loving being excited about what comes next, y’know, it’s a lovely feeling! x

  • love love love love this! I’m so excited for your new content 🙂 xx

    • Thank you so much, sweet. I’m excited too and I really hope you love what’s coming up 🙂 xxx

  • I love to see people having this kind of awakening. Realising the value in who they authentically are in a, at times, competitive ‘market’ is wonderful to see.
    For what it’s worth you are one of my favourite plus size bloggers. You are effortlessly stylish and though the outfits you sometimes wear are not always “me” they always looks incredibly put together, chic, and always fun.
    Navigating through oppression and illness is never easy but it’s because of these things that we MUST do what we can to make ourselves happy.

    • Omg thank you so much for saying that, and you are absolutely one of my favourites too – I live for the looks you put together (still not over Glamdalf tbqh!) xx

  • Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes! You put into words so well what I’ve been feeling and didn’t quite get across on my latest post. I totally understand all these feels. So much. I think I sometimes put too much pressure on myself to be who the world thinks a blogger should be, and not just be me. Thank you for sharing this, being open and honest.

    • You are so welcome, lovely, thank you for taking the time to read my post 🙂 It’s so easy to lose track, isn’t it? I think taking stock and having a little reset now again can only be good for the soul, we are definitely enough just being ourselves 🙂 x

  • Honey you are a delight and I want to know you and definitely feel you are worth knowing! I’m sorry you feel you lost your teeth but I do love your blog and how you put together outfits.

    C x
    CurvyGirlThin.com

    • Thank you so much, Charli, coming from you that means so much to me! I was so, so worried about posting this bit of writing but honestly it’s been one of the best things I could have done as it’s felt really freeing. Thank you for reading it, lovely. xx